Roy Glashan's Library
Non sibi sed omnibus
Go to Home Page
This work is out of copyright in countries with a copyright
period of 70 years or less, after the year of the author's death.
If it is under copyright in your country of residence,
do not download or redistribute this file.
Original content added by RGL (e.g., introductions, notes,
RGL covers) is proprietary and protected by copyright.
RGL e-Book Cover
Based on an image created with Microsoft Bing software
"CRIMINALS," said my friend James Rotherby, on one of those rare occasions when he allowed himself to refer to a "past" which was not entirely creditable; "criminals are divided into two classes very much like other people. There are those who believe in sticking to the old-fashioned methods, and those whose taste lies in the direction of innovation and reform—Conservatives and Liberals, so to speak. Joe Clumber, for instance, clung tenaciously to the views he had inherited from a father in the same line of business, and couldn't see beyond the jemmy and the life-preserver and so forth. I, on the other hand, perhaps because I'd merely drifted into crime and hadn't been born to it, shrank from the use of such implements, and preferred stratagem to violence. And, in spite of what I'm about to tell you, I'm not going to admit that I was altogether wrong."
He paused, sipped his whisky and water, gave a short laugh, and proceeded.
"Well, you see, Clumber and I hadn't had much luck for a long time, when one day I happened to spot an advertisement of a big picture sale to be held in Bond-street the same afternoon. I showed the newspaper to Joe, and after some discussion it was arranged that I should go, on the off-chance of getting wind of something to our advantage, as they say. Accordingly, I dressed myself in suitable togs and went, having told Clumber I should expect a good feed when I returned at six. Joe, I may mention, never took on jobs requiring a swell get-up. Frockcoats and light kids didn't become him, and he knew his limitations.
"But Joe did understand how to cook a piece of steak to a turn, and I couldn't find any fault with the meal awaiting me when I got back from the sale. On the contrary, I enjoyed it so much that it was some minutes before I could spare time for conversation. Then I said, magnanimously:—
"'Now, Joe, I'll gratify your curiosity.'
"'It's about time you did,' grunted my partner; but ignoring the observation, I continued:—
"'Most of the things sold to-day were more or less rubbish, but there was one—quite a small picture, about 3 feet by 2 feet—that went for three thousand pounds.'
"Clumber's eyes sparkled. 'Three thousand quid?' he echoed.
"'Yes. It was a Gainsborough.'
"'A what?'
"'A Gainsborough. That's the name of the painter, you know.'
"'Oh—well?'
"'Well, Joseph, do you think if we could get hold of that picture the receiver, or fence, as you call him, we've dealt with before would take it off our hands?'
"'Do you mean the Antwerp bloke?'
"'Yes.'
"'He'll take most things. We might try him.'
"'We might; for we've just got money enough to pay our fares, and the trip'd do us good, eh, Joe?'
"'But ain't this all a little previous, Rotherby? We ain't got the picture yet, 'ave we?'
"'Not yet, certainly, but—' I paused, and added impressively, 'I know who's bought it, and when it's going to be sent to his house. I managed to overhear what he said to the auctioneer's clerk. He's an old gentleman—his name is Buckleigh, and he lives at The Lindens, Cockermouth Gardens, Highgate. The picture is to be delivered there between six and seven to-morrow evening.'
"'All right,' said Joe; "then we'll burgle the place we were in search of.'
"'Perhaps we can do better than that,' I suggested. 'There are some lonely parts in Highgate, and my idea is that Cockermouth Gardens is one of them. If so, we might prevent the picture ever being delivered.'
"'Safer to crack the crib,' persisted Clumber; but I shook my head.
"'That's nonsense, Joe,' I said. 'It means delay for one thing, and very likely a hue and cry would be raised before we could get on board the boat for Antwerp. Then it'd be all up with us, for they'd examine the luggage of everyone leaving the country, and, though the picture's a small one, it's not small enough to conceal. My plan, on the other hand, would allow us to catch the eight o'clock train at Liverpool Street, and it's a hundred to one we should be on board the boat before they'd have time to send round the alarm.'
"Clumber admitted reluctantly that there was some force in my arguments, and eventually it was agreed that we should proceed at once to Cockermouth Gardens to see what sort of locality it really was. So a little later we left our rooms—we were lodging in Soho—and caught the yellow 'bus to the Archway Tavern. Then, after mounting Highgate Hill, and making one or two inquiries, we found the place we were in search of.
The Lindens was one of eight houses, each of which was detached and fronted by a long garden surrounded by a quickset hedge and containing as a rule some pretty big trees. That the houses were as much alike as peas in a pod was obvious, even in the darkness of an October evening. We discovered from a notice-board suspended from a tree, however, that the house next door to The Lindens was to be sold, and, on going forward to the light wooden gate that gave access to the garden, we found that the place was called The Elms. Evidently the house was in charge of a caretaker, for only the hall was lighted. Then we made two other discoveries; the houses were named, but not numbered, and the name was in each case displayed on a gate precisely similar to that which I have already mentioned.
"These were the facts I turned over in my mind as we rode homeward silently on the top of the 'bus, and before we got down at the corner of Tottenham Court Road I had developed a plan, at once simple and daring, which I felt certain could not possibly fail.
"'Clumber, my boy,' I cried, when we had made our way into a quiet pub, 'I see it all. It's as clear as daylight.'
"'H'm,' murmured Clumber, 'so you said in that diamond affair the other day, and yet we were as nearly as possible copped, to say nothing of losing the swag.'
"'Never mind that, Joseph; this case is quite different, and there's absolutely no chance of anything going wrong. But first of all, tell me what you'd do.'
"'The only thing I can think,' said he, 'is to knock down the chap who brings the picture along, and bolt with it, though, if he should come in a cab, or if there should be two of them, I don't suppose we could manage the job, lonely as Cockermouth Gardens is. It'd be safer to crack the crib, as I told you before.'
"'Listen, Joe,' said I, 'I've thought of the difficulties you mention, and I see exactly how we can get over them. You remember that The Elms, the house next door to The Lindens, is to be sold?'
"He nodded.
"'Well, this is my scheme. We must get the man who brings the picture to mistake The Elms for The Lindens, and wait for him in the garden.'
"'How are we to do that?'
"'Easily enough. The name of each house is on the gate, isn't it?'
"Yes.'
"'Very good, then we'll change the gates. All we'll have to do'll be to lift them off the iron uprights they're hung on, and transpose them. It won't take a minute.'
"'It could be done,' assented Joe, reflectively, 'but even then the bloke'd notice that The Elms is empty.'
"'Not so, there's a caretaker in the house, and the hall gas'll be lit as it was to-night.
"'The caretaker might spot us.'
"'We must risk that; there are plenty of trees in the garden, and we're not likely to make any great noise, are we?'
"'But there's the notice-board on the tree.'
"'I know; but we can get that down without much trouble.'
"'I don't say as we couldn't. Go on.'
"'Well, directly the man with the picture comes through the gate, we'll take him by surprise, throw a chloroformed handkerchief over his face before he's time to cry out, and then rush off and cab it to Liverpool Street. If there are two men, we must treat them both the same way.'
"Clumber hummed and hawed a good bit, but at last I convinced him that my scheme was feasible; promising, however, that if the man who brought the picture should happen after all to elude us and deliver it at The Lindens instead of The Elms, I would agree to the place being burgled. But I did not anticipate that any such contingency would arise.
"Nor did it, not exactly at least, though—" Rotherby left the sentence uncompleted, and, with a whimsical smile, took some more whisky. Then he resumed:—
"Well, next day we made arrangements for a pal to look after our rooms, sent what little luggage we required to Liverpool Street to wait for us, and by six o'clock were once more at Cockermouth Gardens. It was a first-class night for our purpose, very dark and very wet, and I, at least, had no apprehensions as to the result of the enterprise.
"We walked straight to The Elms, and Clumber, who had a quick eye, whispered, excitedly:—
"'Blessed if that notice-board hasn't gone!"
"'So it has,' I replied; 'the place must have been sold, I suppose. Anyhow, that's one job saved us, Joe.'
"Clumber gave a sulky assent, and I then suggested that we should at once proceed to carry out the interchange of gates.
"'All right,' said Joe, and, as I had anticipated, the matter was effected without much difficulty.
"Then Joseph crept into the garden of The Elms (which we had just transformed into The Lindens) while I kept watch without.
"There were two risks we were bound to incur; the caretaker might come out of the house, which was lighted as on the previous evening, or someone who knew the houses might observe the transposed gates.
"But though two or three people passed me, none even glanced at the gates, nor did the caretaker give any sign whatsoever. And at last, just as I heard a church clock striking the half-hour, I saw what caused me to hurriedly join my partner in the garden.
"'Now's the time,' I murmured, hoarsely. 'The chap with the picture's coming along, and he's alone. Get the handkerchief ready.'
"Clumber nodded silently, and we crouched down behind the hedge close to the gravel path leading from the gate to the house.
"The man's footsteps came nearer and nearer, and eventually he stopped outside. There was a moment's pause, and I began to fear that for some reason or other he was going to pass by, and so avoid our trap after all. But, no; another moment, and swinging open the gate he strode up the pathway.
"What next ensued I need not describe. It is enough to say that Clumber did his work noiselessly and instantaneously, and that in something under fifty minutes we had borne our prize in triumph to Liverpool Street. Fifteen hours later, having landed at Antwerp, we stood with our luggage awaiting the Customs examination.
"We had never taken the picture from its brown-paper covering, and had certainly no wish to do so now. But the Customs officer insisted on looking into every package, and, of course, it wouldn't have done to oppose him. So I cut the string, undid the paper, and exposed to view a handsome house agent's notice-board with a framelike ridge, the principal feature of which was the word—
SOLD.
"That was the last crime I ever committed, or, rather, tried to commit, and I still think I planned the whole thing remarkably well. It was simply and solely due to a series of the most unlucky circumstances that the scheme didn't come off.
"If The Elms hadn't been sold that day the house agent's son (for it was he, I found out afterwards) wouldn't have been bringing along that confounded board; and if it hadn't been such a wet night the thing wouldn't have been done up in brown paper, even although it had just been painted and was hardly dry. And if it hadn't been a ridged board—but, there, I needn't go into all that; anyone can see that the fiasco was in no sense my fault.
"Anyone but Clumber, that is. He straightway dissolved partnership with me, and a short time afterwards made an attempt to burgle The Lindens on his own. He didn't succeed in getting the picture, but he did in getting five years, and that is why, as I said at the beginning, I'm not sure that in criminal enterprises the old-fashioned methods are, after all, any sounder than the new."
Roy Glashan's Library
Non sibi sed omnibus
Go to Home Page
This work is out of copyright in countries with a copyright
period of 70 years or less, after the year of the author's death.
If it is under copyright in your country of residence,
do not download or redistribute this file.
Original content added by RGL (e.g., introductions, notes,
RGL covers) is proprietary and protected by copyright.